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 Post subject: New Wotw Adaptation
PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 5:46 am 
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For those who already know about it or not, I had previously written a story on this board. Over time I got the idea to go back a clean it up a bit. I wanted to post it here so I can hear comments about it before going further. Now I just want to know, should I post the story in two parts or just quit my lecture and post it in it's entirety already?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 6:43 pm 
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Well here it comes anyway.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 6:51 pm 
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War of the Worlds II: The Conquest of Earth

“If we don’t end war, war will end us”
-H.G. Wells


No one would have believed in the 21st century that our planet was being closely observed by intelligences greater than ours. They scrutinize us as one with a microscope would scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even consider the possibility of life on other planets. Yet as we busy ourselves on this planet, knowing our empire over this world, across the gulf of space they watched with envious eyes and slowly but surely they drew their plans against us.

This morning on "the Today Show" before going to school, I saw a report stating that the surface of Mars is showing signs of intense volcanic activity of some sort. NASA said that one of the blasts was so powerful that it destroyed one of the Exploration Rovers. Two NASA scientists were on the show to talk about the immense volcanic explosions of incandescent gas and frankly it sparks more debates about life on Mars. First we hear about faces and pyramids, then canals, now volcanoes. When asked on the subject of life on Mars, their response was "The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one"...but still they come. I arrived to my place of schooling and my other classes in time. What seemed like another typical day took a bizarre turn. I was in one of my classes and I couldn't help but notice how gloomy it looked outside and as the class started we heard a loud bang outside and then the whole building began to shake like there was a mighty earthquake. When the rumbling stopped the whole campus began buzzing with talk of a terrorist attack until someone shouted to look out the window. There was a pillar of smoke. Most of the seniors dared to defy the orders of their teachers and rushed outside to get a better look. There in the middle of an abandoned field was a crater and within there was the meteor large as a whale and glowing hot. Soon, half of the whole school went out to look at it, there was no worry of traffic because the people left their cars in the middle of the road. The fire department, the police, and news people arrived at the scene.

The firemen hosed down the steaming object and after it began to cool down bits and pieces of rock fell from the thing and revealed a huge metal cylinder shaped capsule. Everyone is utterly puzzled by the sight. Some of the onlookers begin taking pictures either with their cell phones or disposable cameras. The police have set up a barricade around it to avoid anyone from falling in the pit. "I was just sitting eating my lunch when I hear this weird hissing sound coming from outside and then I see the bright flash and then WHAM! This loud noise hits me" said a customer from the nearby fast-food place as he was being interviewed by newswoman, Charlene Phillips. I later run into my cousin who is awestruck like everyone else. Meanwhile, the newswoman is interviewing two of the police officers who are guarding the metal "pod". "Well, it doesn't look like any kind of satellite that I've heard of" said the one policeman. "Maybe it’s a rocket but the way it hit the ground it doesn't look like there’s anything living in there" said the second policeman. While they where talking with her, I was standing with my cousin and my friends and I were talking about the cylinder. I brought up the report about the explosions on Mars and they heard it too. "Yeah, I heard this one conspiracy theory that our government already made contact with aliens from another planet" said one friend. "So you think those aliens are in that thing" I questioned. "Either that or God is angry at us again" said my cousin. "We better get the day off for this" said another friend. All of a sudden the thing begins to vibrate and soon a part of it begins unscrewing. "There is something living inside this so we may get to see what our visitor looks like.”*scrape*,*scrape*,*CLANK* “The lid fell off and it appears we can make out who is in there" said the newswoman. "It looks sort of like a gray snake slithering...now it looks like four worm-like tentacles writhing out of the pod and... Oh My God! The thing it’s hideous!" said the newswoman as the camera man is getting every second of it. The Martian looked like a mutant octopi-like creature with long tentacles, an indescribable face, two disk like eyes, and a small v-shaped mouth. Everyone became horrified by the Martian and they backed away from the pit in horror. Some jokesters began pelting the creature with stones while taunting, “Welcome to Earth freaks!” Policemen pulled the group back. Everyone is now far from the crash site especially me and my cousin. I can make out a policeman, a fire fighter, and some other “diplomats” following the policeman who is carrying a white flag. They continue waving the flag to make the Martians understand that they mean peace but that doesn't matter to the invaders. The Martian crawls back into the cylinder. *Veee veeeee tktkttktk bzzzz bzzzz* are the sounds eminating from the cylinder. Then a large device resembling a gun rises out of the pit. "Hey we come in peace...what the hell!" said the fireman. Suddenly, a powerful blast strikes them head on and they burst into flame. Soon the heat ray is turned on everyone running from the cylinder and it even destroys cars and blasts off part of a bridge.


As soon as the death-ray was unleashed I began to run as fast as I could back to the campus. "Dear God! Skeletons are lying in the streets all of them victims of some form of death ray this... this is very hard to comprehend with. There is a rough estimate of forty casualties some have been injured by the blasts. I am seeing people with burnt off limbs and other horribly mangled. ” said the newsman. The whole student body has gathered in the student union hoping that we may be sent home and that the military may come in to blow up the cylinder before anything else is to occur. They brought a TV into the room we were sitting in and we put on one of the news channels. On one show there was a conversation between the news anchor and a Baptist preacher. “I warned you all that we are living in the end times and our savior chooses not to deliver us because he is angered by us” raved the preacher. “He is disgusted about how we abort unborn children, abuse drugs and alcohol, and expose our children’s minds to violent and sexually suggestive materials”. The preacher started into a foaming rage until two security guards dragged him off set. There was a great sadness among my cousin and numerous students. If I hadn’t held out some glimmer of hope I too would have believed that this was judgment day. We continued to watch the national news in the auditorium. What bothered me was that major news networks were withholding information about the Martians. They claimed the cylinders were bombs built by the Iranians. "We have now received a report that more cylinders have landed outside of the States. Some have landed in different parts of Europe, Russia, and Asia. Another bulletin has been handed to me and it says that troops will be brought in to deal with the matter at hand." said the anchorman. Outside, the military were vigilant over the capsule which was making noises as if the Martian was trying to build something. "Tell us general, did you make any further plans to evacuate the local homes and businesses" said the newswoman interviewing one of the commanding officers. "Yes, the towns and cities in the county have been put under martial law and we are now in the process of evacuating the students from this school”.

I called my dad and told him if he heard the news and what he plans on doing and he told me that since they are under martial law they are immediately evacuating to my uncle's house and he told me the area my school was in was being barricaded off and asked if me and my cousin could make it out of the barricades. Then as soon as I am done talking with my dad the military breaks down the doors and we all grab our book bags and coats and leave in a flash. "What are we going to do?" asked my cousin. "My dad told me that we may have to find a ride this time, apparently they won't let him and my brother into the area and that they should go straight to our uncle's house and your mother will meet us miles from here near the old factory, across the bridge. ”GET DOWN, MOVE, MOVE!" shouted the army men. Soon a loud explosion is heard behind us and we see that they tried to blow up the cylinder but then something rises up from the rubble. We all stopped and saw what appeared to be a UFO with the death-ray built into the hood of the machine and then we saw something else. We saw that the UFO was mounted on giant stilts and also attached to the body was four long tentacles dangling. When the military fired off the bombs and guns the death-ray is shot off. Another student just drops their cell phone running away from the monster which I grabbed just in case. Soon I and my cousin meet with a teacher who asks if we need a ride we told the teacher where we needed to go.

When we arrived at the factory there were many people and cars trying to cross the bridge. We overheard two men talking about what they heard on the news about the Martians. “I didn’t get to hear much about any of the other Martians but I know so far that some of them have landed in New York, Texas, Boston, all the way to China even!” “I do know that when those “walkers” start moving no more news comes from that area” said the other. One man chimed in, “All the major news networks are saying that those cylinders and those walkers were man made. I can honestly tell you that none of those machines were man made.” As we crossed the bridge we heard someone shout that four fighting machines were headed our way towards the bridge. Three apache helicopters fly by and the pilots follow their orders and destroy the bridge before the Martians could get across. In the event we were separated, I purposely took my cousins cell phone and gave him the one I took and told him if I was to be separated he will call me from our uncle's house. As soon as the bridge fell I slid down into the water and was nearly trampled to death when several people tried climb up the bridge which was pitched at an angle.

I managed to escape with some minor bruises. I was also fortunate enough to find an abandoned boat so I quickly threw in my backpack and climbed aboard. The walkers swatted the helicopters out of the sky like they were mere flies but the war in the air wasn't over yet. As I rowed away from the Martians there was a deafening roar and whoosh of air and I saw a bomber nicknamed "Thunder Child" gliding towards the approaching Martians. The “flying wing” dropped the first wave on the machines doing severe damage to the fourth which was finished off by the blasts from artillery shells on the other side of the bridge. The blasts killed the Martian inside and detached the hood from the legs. "They got it, they killed one!" rejoiced one of the people. The bomber was about to go in to drop the second wave but then one of the walkers raises its hood towards the sky and discharges the death-ray. The engine on the plane exploded and is about to crash but it takes out the leg of one machine before crashing and exploding in the river. The wave of water drowns the people trying to climb up the bridge and sweeping me further up the river. As I slowly blacked out, I could see bright flashes of the capsules gliding through the sky.

End of Part I: The Coming of the Martians


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 11:05 pm 
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:D It seems alright, I would say it needs a bit more detail and I find it hard to believe that a huge cylinder could crash-down just outside a school, hundreds of people get vapourized and the kids still wonder whether they'll get the day off school :shock: I don't know much about The USA but if that happened in modern UK, you wouldn't see the kids for the dust, they would be legging it so fast :lol:
:-k And do they still use the “flying wing”? I thought that was decommissioned back in the 1950s :?
It was a while ago that I read it but how does this differ from the first draft of your story?


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 2:55 am 
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Yes, well it's a little updated and maybe from your opinions has the same amount of polt holes from Speilberg's Wotw. I wanted to let the reader believe that most of the students and others were killed at the pit. I didn't want to openly admit that because well, you know, that high school tragedy. I didn't say that the cylinder landed close to the school. I would say that it landed some miles away from the school. Just enough for the students to see the pillar of smoke from a distance. I don't know much about the UK but aren't there private schools where students are forced to room there? If the students were frantic enough and since their rooms weren't far wouldn't they run there. Another thing, when I say "school" and "campus" could you associate that with a college rather than a high school? I post part 2 soon.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 8:09 pm 
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Well, here comes part 2. Doesn't matter if you like the original version better. I just wanted to make a few updates to my story. That's right I accuse myself of pulling a George Lucas. :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 8:18 pm 
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Part II: The Earth Under The Martians

"We have more information about the situation, apparently they do not wish to destroy buildings any longer but they intend on smashing holes into highways, melting train tracks with their death-rays, cutting telephone and power lines, and, this is new, engulfing airports in a black fog that is so lethal gas masks are completely useless against it" said the news anchor. “I have just received a new report stating that the tripods have destroyed a dam causing major flooding. Civil unrest is still being reported in metropolitan areas; if you plan on evacuating please avoid the city. All order is lost, please avoid. We are now going to our reporter on the field" said the anchor. "Its pandemonium here people are getting out of their cars and leaving in an exodus, this is truly an overwhelming sight. Back to you Charlene." said the newsman. “We would like to remind you that all people must evacuate their homes for higher ground or another mode of escape. Businesses must take whatever important files with them. Nuclear power plants have also been shut down to avoid any more disasters like the one in Texas.”

I woke up to discover that I was found unconscious on the river and brought me on bus headed towards a shelter but it ran off the road probably because of the Martians blasting a hole in the highway. The cell phone I took from my cousin began to ring and I eagerly answered it. My cousin told me that my mother, father, brother, and sister didn't arrive yet. With that news still on my mind I kept wandering through the city and as I was walking I noticed something odd. Growing on the trees and even buildings was this bizarre plant that looked like red spider veins but with cactus thorns growing on it. The red vine was growing into buildings causing the concrete to crack. I began to walk with several others. Along the way I saw stores being looted with the looters dropping some of their plunder on the ground as they ran. We then saw a tripod running towards us and began scurrying. “Quick! Come in here!” shouted a police officer. I tripped and fell down the stairs to the basement where the Policeman was hiding. He pulled me in before the foot of a walker fell into the stairwell.


"We were controlling a riot that broke out in the city until one of those walkers wiped out everyone there. I managed to escape them by hiding in the sewer" explained the policeman who introduced himself as Chief Henderson. He was a very tough looking man with a scar on his face and a gruff voice. I looked through the nearest window and saw how much the red plant grew. “It’s unbelievable. I first saw it growing from where those pods landed. It’s been growing in streams, lakes, rivers, and oceans but if we were to get a heavy down pour of rain we’re screwed” said the Policeman. Both the Policeman and I went our separate ways for awhile. He wanted to report back to his precinct or whatever’s left of it. As I made my way looking for an exit out of the city, I came upon a large group of refugees. Two men a silver haired man and a brown skinned man began arguing and resulted in a fight. The silver haired man pulled out a handgun and shot the brown skinned man killing him. An angry passerby attending to the dead man’s widow knocked a metal box from his arms spilling money and important papers on the road. I turned away before he was run down by an army jeep. Never before have I seen so many people stampeding without order and without a goal. It was the beginning of the route of civilization of the massacre of mankind. As the sky began darkening, I decided to make my way towards the hotel where the policeman had told me where he was hiding out. I was startled by the sight of a nun wandering around. She had gone mad after seeing what the Martians had done to humanity. Luckily, I found the hotel, barged in and collapsed on the floor.

The next morning, the dawn was a fiery red. The Policeman was glad to see that I had rested well after that ordeal with the nun whom he scared off as soon as I reached the hotel. “What’s the news on the Martians?” I asked. “The news is that we’re down, we’re beat. They’ve begun using that poisonous fog more than their death-rays simply because it’s the final step in exterminating all us ants.” Our conversation was briefly interrupted by sounds eminating from outside. *ULLA* I looked out the window and saw a new machine flying around and underneath it was the black fog getting thicker by the minute. “C’mon, we got to go get supplies. We’ll talk on the way” said the Policeman.

“It’s gotten worse now. I’ve seen them picking up men and women and putting them in cages of some sort. The men they harvest for their blood but the women, the young ones, are being used for breeding stock, no lie! And what really gets me is that all those egghead scientist and fat headed politicians already knew about this since 1938” said the policeman. “But we can’t give up” I replied. “Of course we can’t. People have been hiding in droves in the mountains, heard the Martians can’t stand the air up there; others have been hiding on islands. What my point is we could start again up there, rebuild civilization like it used to be. We’ll build banks, prisons, shops, and schools. We could even bring films and books to remind us of the past. When we manage to capture a walker, then we’ll be able to really fight back.” The Policeman replied.

We then ran to an abandoned shopping mall to look for supplies and someone. "Hey what's going on?" said a stranger. The stranger named Nathan was a young man in his mid twenties. He had these blue eyes that just had this far away look in them. With him was a beautiful dark haired girl named Beth. The policeman had told me that the girl was his daughter. The three began bickering and I felt while I was still there I might find a clean shirt and some food. They were talking about the news they had heard from Florida to which the Policeman replied, “Do you think God’s an insurance agent? He can’t exempt Daytona.” I put the tattered school shirt in my backpack. I even got to browse in a bookstore. Then, we hear a crash from the parking garage. Another cylinder landed and we ran back to the hotel.

When we got back, I found some food in the kitchen and sat down to eat. Nathan and Beth sat not to far from me. "Hey kid, you get to see one of those?" said the stranger nodding towards the TV which had a picture of the walkers on it destroying a train. "Yes, I did" I nervously replied. "I guess you saw those metal baskets attached to their backs then? My family and I warned everybody before this happened that it was the beginning” Nathan said. “The beginning of what?” I dared to ask. “The apocalypse, my parents have been taken by the demons already and I take it as a sign that it’s the younger generation to start a new life. We'll hide in subway tunnels and sewers and start a new life there. We can try to convince others to join us or die. And we can find women, no whores like the ones they had already taken." Nathan raved. The Policeman, who was trying to pick up channels on a portable television, stepped in and stopped him from continuously raving.

I started to think about what Nathan said but I agree more with the Policeman that one black fog canister down into the sewers would end all that. Later on Beth and I had to sort out necessary supplies for the night. She had told me about her relationship with Nathan. “We first met at choir practice at our church, he was the reverend’s son and Nathan’s father was very stern in his teachings. Nathan had such a beautiful voice” said Beth. “But then how did he get this way?” I asked. “It was after those things had taken his mother and father and no matter how many times I keep telling him of some hope for us all he has to make others suffer” she replied. A feeling of pity overcame me as she talked about their struggle.

That night I was awoken by sound of shattered glass. The Policeman and I went down stairs and were horrified to see a feeler/tentacle, possibly from a downed battle machine, explore the room. The sounds of Nathan and Beth drew the probe’s attention and began to lunge for them. The Policeman shot off a round from his gun hitting the thing and picked up a fire ax and hacked the thing apart. Said machine part is on display in my home as we speak. Things began to grow worse since then. Nathan would constantly argue with others from time to time. One day a strange idea had come to mind. Noticing a piece of moldy bread, I began to remember certain things from Mrs. Ogilvy’s biology class. If one dormant seed of the red vine could cover a whole football field and choke waterways then perhaps the mold introduced into their supply of blood could throw them off. Not to mention the theory that wherever there were large populations of people the Martians would attack that town or city to increase their supply of blood. Since my home town was one of the many, if not most, evacuated perhaps it explains why the Martians are using the black fog more than ever to stamp out whatever living this may be in hiding. It felt weird mixing mold from bread with bacteria infested water and putting it into a syringe. Yet the Policeman had his doubts. Would it be worth risking someone’s life just to give a Martian a diseased booster shot? If the opportunity ever arose, the Policeman held onto it for safe keeping. However I was getting annoyed with Nathan’s bickering and felt nothing else could be achieved from this group so I was ready to leave. Suddenly a loud explosion shook the building and windows shattered. Debris had trapped us from escaping.

That evening, screams had drawn me, Nathan, and the Policeman to run to the second floor for a view of what was occurring. Not too far from our hotel were the Martians in the process of delivering their bipedal offspring from their screaming female captives. In the background the red vine ensnared helpless victims like a great red spider web. A brave soldier captive tried shooting at the Martians but to the young soldier’s sure grim, the bullets didn’t hurt them. I heard them release a loud howl again. *ULLA* It was more than we all could take. Nathan rushed downstairs. When I went down I saw him dragging Beth to the exit to offer them up as sacrifice while uttering, “IT’S A SIGN I’VE BEEN GIVEN A SIGN!” I tried to stop him but he knocked me back. The Policeman rushed down and stopped him. Nathan threw Beth down and began to fight with him. I grabbed a rock and to my horror Nathan slashed the Policeman with a knife and began to strangle him. Afterwards, he stood up and muttered, “What have I done, I must be punished!” Furious with rage and fear I hit him in the back of the head with the rock and he is knocked out with a gash on his head. I heard the scurrying of several Martians and ran to the stairwell and shut the door. Before I shut the door I saw the Policeman grab the syringe of fluid and with his last ounce of strength, inject it into his veins. I opened the door a crack and saw five Martians and the Policeman, Chief Henderson, making a martyr of himself. The creatures were large like a bear and they lumbered around like they were weighed down by our gravity. Nathan began to move and the Martians shambled toward him and the rest I refused to watch so I shut the door tightly. I began to weep for the Policeman and his daughter and then I heard the scream of Nathan. I dare open the door again to see that the Martians are examining the knife he used and speaking in their own language. I also see Nathan being drained by the Martians. I also heard the people banging on the cages mounted on the backs of the machines. I was also shocked to see a Martian carrying Beth away and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I ran up to the highest floor and found a room.

I noticed that I was wounded and I treated and bandaged the wound. The Martians have gone and I call my cousin again. "Is my dad or brother there? Please let me talk to him!" I demanded. "Thank God you’re alright. Your mother and sister didn't arrive, they’re with another group.*static*there is a sharp pain in dad’s eye after someone tried to steal the car. We can’t stay here for long*static*a*static*" the phone ran out of power. I had the portable TV and I turned that on and found news coverage. "I am standing here in the city the only lights here are the ones from the Martian machines or combat fire, they are shooting off canisters of black gas." the news woman begins to cry. "I don't want to... its coming..*cough*.*cough*" the news woman and the cameraman drop dead. Isn't there anyone on the air...isn't there anyone?

The War of the Worlds is over, we lost. That is what I initially thought. I stepped out of the room after nodding off to sleep and woke up at five thirty in the morning. I discovered that the whole roof had been blasted off leaving only but rafters. The outside is covered in a black snow-like powder and the red vine sway. And Oh! The sweetness of the air! The fog must have been acidic as it was poisonous because I found the bones of Nathan and the Policeman downstairs, covered in the powder. For three days and nights I kept trying to make my way back home. I didn’t hear anymore news since my stay at the hotel. I broke into an abandoned home to rest for the night. The air was cold outside but I thought that whatever the temperature was on Mars to cause them to go deep, deep beneath the surface was far cooler on their planet. Insanity slowly began to set in. I began to think that most of my entire family may be dead. If the ones closer to me had died I’d rather join them. I also wept for many of the things that I had enjoyed before all of this had started and I would never see such good things ever again. On the other hand, what of the emotional pain they caused me? Surely how they died would be more physically painful than the psychological pain I felt. There was nothing to do but break down and cry once more for humanity. However, I turned on the portable TV searching around the channels finding nothing but static until one channel began showing old TV shows and movies. Everything was starting to lighten up a bit until I saw tripod figures in the very center of town. Tomorrow, my quest for escape would continue.

It was an eerie feeling walking through the dead streets of a once great city. I realized that I was standing in a city of the dead and of all the sound to drive me to madness were not the tripods stomping but the silent sound that gave me the message that I was the only living human being on earth. Some others in my generation would think it’s great to be the last person on earth, but what of their family and/or their friends, the last thing they had to live for. I believed that all generations were wiped out including my own shallow generation. Suddenly, I heard the wailing of a Martian. *ALOO* I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. It was time to end my life here and now. I came face to face with the staggering monster before it swerved and collapsed into the side of a building. Some people who were hiding in an abandoned restaurant rushed to my aid and told me that the Martians have been stopping dead all over the place. Several people ran towards the park where the Martian’s encampment was. Inside were the Martians, dead. I saw birds flying towards the machines pecking at the dead Martians. It was later revealed that the Martians were brought down by the combination of impurities in their blood supply and the change of climate. Their offspring were no exception as well.

The theory about the Martians destroying towns and cities based on population appeared to be correct. Except for dried and broken bits of red vine and thick black dust everything looked basically the same. All day I had to put certain things in my home back in order. Finally, I was overjoyed to see my parents and siblings happily reunited. Everything about our world before the invasion had returned as well. Even my closest friends had returned. Yes, as I write in this diary to soon put it away until I need it again, it is now the holiday season and sales have been picking up and people are now able to see the parts of the Martian machines in exhibitions and museums.

Another thing that had returned was technology, this time at full capacity. The invasion from Mars has changed everything we know including our beliefs and science. The possibility of another attack from Mars or another planet is of universal debate nowadays. At least we know that we should never look at ourselves as a threat to our safety. The red vine, which is being cleared away, is currently being studied by scientists and the military is having a hard time finding out how to operate the walking and flying machines and solving the chemical composition of the black fog. It may be a long time until they figure out how they work. For all mankind I hope those dangerous weapons will never cause mayhem again, but some have their doubts. Better still with help and cooperation, the pulse of human kind will surely beat stronger than ever. It seems incredible to me now that the daily routine of life continues as it had been for countless years.



The End...?


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 12:33 am 
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:lol: We truly are, Nations separated by a common language :lol: I had assumed it was a High School. And yes we do have Private Schools over here but they are not Prisons, Students come and go as they please.

Wells wrote:
That's right I accuse myself of pulling a George Lucas.
Good grief it's not that bad. :lol:

I'll read part two tomorrow, it's a bit late to start now :D


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 8:07 pm 
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Well I won't spoil anything then but I will warn you that the "Days of Imprisonment" or the "What We Saw From The Ruined House" part of the story is a bit more, oh let's say, hellish. When I was on Wikipedia and I looked up John Christopher's the Tripods and it had something about the influences from H.G. Wells' story. It mentioned that had the aliens in the stories used humans for the harvesting of their blood it would have been a more gruesome addition to a series of novels aimed towards young audiences.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:24 am 
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I much preferred the second half of your story, I like the idea that the virus/bacteria that finally kills the Martians was cooked up out of bread mould =D>
I think the first part was just the skeleton, the bare bones of a story, it needs fleshing out. A bit more dialogue, a bit more drama.
:D But I did enjoy it. well done =D> =D>

And will they return??? :twisted:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 4:11 am 
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What kind of drama or dialogue would you want me to flesh it out with? I always though of my version having the most of the action in the first part. You have the landing of the cylinder, the Martian emerging from hiding, the first blast of the heat ray, the first appearance of the tripod, and so on. I do agree that the second part has more atmosphere and drama to it. I am also surprised that no Wotw purists haven't got on my case yet about changing the names of certain things like the heat ray becomes the death ray, the black somke=the black fog, the red weed=the red vine, the fighting machines=walkers. I even changed certain things about the Martians they now can implant their seed into female captives(perverts :lol: ) and conventional weapons can no longer harm them. I'm aspiring to submit my story to any magazine( sci-fi related) that will accept short stories.

So does anyone else have any questions or comments?


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 12:15 pm 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:31 pm
Posts: 3365
Location: N.Humberside.UK
I think it's a good idea to change names of some of the things, although H.G Wells did say the Martian vegetation came in several different types, one of which was the Red vine.

I feel you need to slow the pace down a little, give us a bit more detail.

Wells wrote:
Then a large device resembling a gun rises out of the pit. "Hey we come in peace...what the hell!" said the fireman. Suddenly, a powerful blast strikes them head on and they burst into flame. Soon the heat ray is turned on everyone running from the cylinder and it even destroys cars and blasts off part of a bridge.


'Then a large device resembling a gun rises out of the pit.' too obvious, describe the device, don't say it looks like a gun, at this point we don't know it's a weapon.

'Suddenly, a powerful blast strikes them head on and they burst into flame. Soon the heat ray is turned on everyone running from the cylinder'
in between these two sentences it would be good to get the reaction of the crowd, describe the initial shock then the growing panic, people running into other people.
hold back the second blast from the Death-Ray let the reader think 'They might just make it, they might just get away.... then ZAP!! :twisted:

As I said before I enjoyed the story but it feels like a rough sketch, now it needs the fine detail filling in :D

I do hope my comments are not discouraging, they are not intended to be.

Give us more :D


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DldFBFJgWmw&feature=player_embedded


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