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 Post subject: GCSE exam results in Swindon
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:17 am 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 7:01 pm
Posts: 1259
Location: UK
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses ...

Geography

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head


Lee
Eve Of The War Webmaster
http://www.eveofthewar.co.uk
"The War Of The Worlds Website"

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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:18 pm 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Sun May 29, 2005 5:02 pm
Posts: 3114
Location: Ridderkerk, the Netherlands
SPAMMER DETECTED!!


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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:20 pm 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:31 pm
Posts: 3365
Location: N.Humberside.UK
Spammer deleted :D


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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:21 pm 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Sun May 29, 2005 5:02 pm
Posts: 3114
Location: Ridderkerk, the Netherlands
Thanks, Lonesome. I mean, what does an advertisement for some MMORPG to do with this?


The Tempest is an advanced assault vehicle, which carries two heavy Heat-Rays and a Canister Launcher.
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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:28 pm 
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Martian War Lord

Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:31 pm
Posts: 3365
Location: N.Humberside.UK
Thanks Lee those are great :lol:


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PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:20 pm 
Tripod King

Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 9:17 pm
Posts: 828
Location: Wales, United Kingdom
Haha! Fantastic! I shall be printing those off to show my friends tomorrow..

Hopefully, our GCSE answers won't be quite so daft! =)


There are three types of people in this World. Those who can count, and those who can't
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