Eve Of The War

A forum for all 'War Of The Worlds' fans
Home Page Home Page Home Page Home Page
Login 
View unanswered posts View active topics

Delete all board cookies

All times are UTC




Home Page Home Page  [ 6 posts ] 
  Print view
Previous topic | Next topic 
Author Message
Offline 
 Post subject: GCSE exam results in Swindon
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:17 am 
User avatar
Martian War Lord

Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 7:01 pm
Posts: 1259
Location: UK
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses ...

Geography

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head


Lee
Eve Of The War Webmaster
http://www.eveofthewar.co.uk
"The War Of The Worlds Website"

Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Offline 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:18 pm 
User avatar
Martian War Lord

Joined: Sun May 29, 2005 5:02 pm
Posts: 3114
Location: Ridderkerk, the Netherlands
SPAMMER DETECTED!!


The Tempest is an advanced assault vehicle, which carries two heavy Heat-Rays and a Canister Launcher.
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Offline 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:20 pm 
User avatar
Martian War Lord

Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:31 pm
Posts: 3365
Location: N.Humberside.UK
Spammer deleted :D


Image
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DldFBFJgWmw&feature=player_embedded


Top
 Profile  
 
Offline 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:21 pm 
User avatar
Martian War Lord

Joined: Sun May 29, 2005 5:02 pm
Posts: 3114
Location: Ridderkerk, the Netherlands
Thanks, Lonesome. I mean, what does an advertisement for some MMORPG to do with this?


The Tempest is an advanced assault vehicle, which carries two heavy Heat-Rays and a Canister Launcher.
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Offline 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:28 pm 
User avatar
Martian War Lord

Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:31 pm
Posts: 3365
Location: N.Humberside.UK
Thanks Lee those are great :lol:


Image
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DldFBFJgWmw&feature=player_embedded


Top
 Profile  
 
Offline 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:20 pm 
Tripod King

Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 9:17 pm
Posts: 828
Location: Wales, United Kingdom
Haha! Fantastic! I shall be printing those off to show my friends tomorrow..

Hopefully, our GCSE answers won't be quite so daft! =)


There are three types of people in this World. Those who can count, and those who can't
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Search for:
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Home Page Home Page  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  

cron
Powered by Skin-Lab © Alpha Trion